Personal Rules

It seems like the world runs on rules. My wife and I used to talk hours upon hours talking about what we were OK with and not OK with when we at a party, when we in the moment, etc... We would set up an entire party in our heads even before we go there. Sometimes once we were there, a curve-ball would be thrown and it didn't fit in our previously discussed scenario. We weren't sure exactly what the other was thinking and we weren't sure how to proceed. 

Listening to a podcast we heard of a new way of thinking. Instead of having a hard set RULE FOR EVERYTHING. We had rules, and we had boundaries. 

• Rule - No flexing. Never break it. Think of it like a Hard Rule

• Boundary - Some flex. Think of it like a soft boundary

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For example, you and your partner have softswaped with another couple previously. On the way to a house party, you two decide to make it a rule not to fullswap that night. While there, you meet a couple and end up in a room all naked. They want to fullswap with you two. What do you do? Be honest and tell them your rule. They will understand, If they don’t, and push the situation, That’s sexual assault and a different topic. 

What if on the way to the house party, you and your spouse said that fullswap was a boundary.  Could you full swap then? Of course you can. That’s a boundary. Boundaries offer “Flexibility”., 

 

Never change a rule in the moment. You can change a boundary as long as you both agree it can be changed, and you agree to the changes. 

 

Communication is lubrication. Talk with your partner often! Before an experience, and after.

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